Dashed hopes, and counterfeit components

Two part entry. Part 'un':

Some thoughts on the realities of my naval career:

Things that I won't do, that I would like to do:
1. Set condition 1-SQ: for strategic missile launch (for boomer ***'s only)
2. Fight for the missile key
3. Violate the hard-deck
4. Getting to close for missiles, forcing me to switch to guns
5. Participate in a fence line shooting
6. Ride into work in a Huey blasting "Ride of the Valkyries"



Things that I have done or will do:
1. Smoke cigars on the bridge of a 688
2. Get racked out for stupid shit
3. Shoot tomahawks in the name of the US economy
4. Pull ups in the engine room

Things that I am glad I won't ever do:
1. Die of lactic acidosis because someone shoved a rag in my mouth
2. Stand there in my 'faggoty white uniform' and show a marine colonel some disrespect
3. Enter into an unrecoverable spin due to interruption of airflow by jetwash
4. Play beach volleyball in jeans... Seriously, who the hell does that. Only in a movie...


Part deux:

"Watch for Counterfeit Parts, NRC Reminds Operators, Applicants"
article link

Apparently there have been inadvertent purchases of counterfeit reactor plant parts. Supposedly this can result in safety and security issues. I don't feel like talking about the heavy nature of nuclear power, so all seriousness aside, this is pretty damn funny.

So here are some questions to ask yourself while operating:
1. Is that a genuine Coach® EOOW Chair you're sitting in?
2. Before your reactor operator starts shimming like it's going out of style, are you sure that the shim switch is truly a Prada® shim switch, as specified by the RPM?
3. Don't settle for generic Reactor Coolant Pumps, make sure you have the top of the line Bergdorf and Goodman Reactor Coolant pumps.
4. Finally, check out the new RPM's with genuine Moleskine® covers

Don't settle for anything less. You're gonna love the way you shim. I guarantee it®.

A taste of salt

I'm finally back in my homeport, after a few weeks out at sea. I met my boat thousands of miles away, and rode her back. It was a good "first sea time" experience. Despite some bitterness from an extended shipyard period, everyone was excited to be underway. As much as I would like to say that the excitement was due to being operational again, it was probably more so due to the crew's desire to see their families. We hauled ass to get to where we were going, only really slowing to go through THE ditch. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is our good ship, transiting the locks.
We ended up in a different ocean within 12 hours. I was quite excited to cross the canal, however once actually IN the canal, the ordeal was decidedly less enthralling than expected. We got to go topside, and it was hot, muggy, and cloudy. The water looked gross, and during the Gaillard cut, all you could see was impenetrable jungle, likely rife with drug runners and booby traps.
The highlight of the canal crossing was seeing the Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, tending the lines for the locks:

I was honored, that a level headed, compassionate statesman like Chavez would practice servant leadership and row the steel mooring lines to our boat. Gracias Senior, Gracias...

After the ditch, we did a quick stop in another port for 48 hours of business, and then finally, home. When we heard the distinctive echolocation call of minke whales, we knew we were close (obviously far more precise and direct methods of determining our position in the world exist on a US Attack Submarine, however they remove the romanticism of seafaring).

It is interesting to note how novel things become significantly less exciting when you're busy, locked in a steel tube, and lacking on sleep.

What I thought was cool for the first week:
1. The periscopes
2. Water slugs
3. The engine room
4. Wardroom meals
What I tried to avoid by the third week:
1. The periscopes
2. Water slugs
3. The engine room
4. Wardroom meals

Obviously, the above mentioned are part of my daily existence as a JO, so I 100% failed in avoiding those four things. But I can say that in the back of my head, I was trying. All in all, I'm still quite positive about the whole experience, but had to add just a little bit of nuke cynicism in there. If you ever read a personal account of submarine life that doesn't have cynicism in it, it is probably made up.

Fair winds, and uncontaminated seas